Traveling to France for the first time felt like stepping into a dream painted with baguettes, berets, and cobblestone streets. I imagined myself effortlessly charming locals with fluent French, navigating cafés like a local, and maybe even exchanging witty banter with the baker. What actually happened? Let us just say, I learned that French etiquette is less like a cozy sweater and more like a tailored jacket—snug, precise, sometimes a bit stiff, but oh-so-important if you want to fit in and be respected.
Before you pack your bags and practice that “bonjour!” in the mirror, I want to share some things I wish someone had told me about French etiquette. Spoiler alert: it goes way beyond just knowing how to say hello and goodbye. And yes, it even affects your French language learning journey. Grab a cup of café (or tea, we are friends) and let me tell you what I learned the hard way.
When “Bonjour” Is Your Secret Weapon
Here is the thing: French people love their greetings almost as much as they love their cheese. Walk into a shop, a bakery, a museum, or even an elevator, and the very first thing you must do is say “Bonjour.” Not later. Not after a minute of awkward silence. Right away.
I once made the terrible mistake of entering a tiny shop and going straight to browsing, without a hello. The shopkeeper looked at me like I had just insulted her great-grandmother. Yep, it was that serious.
Why does this matter? Because “Bonjour” is not just a word; it is a social contract. It says, “I see you. I respect you.” And in return, French people tend to be warm and helpful.
Here is a tip: even if you only know a few words in French, greet people in their language. It opens doors faster than any phrasebook can.
French Politeness: The Art of “Vous” vs. “Tu”
Here’s a little puzzle you might have heard about before: French people have two ways to say “you.” One is friendly and familiar—“tu.” The other is formal—“vous.” And choosing wrong feels like wearing swim trunks to a black-tie party.
The rule seems simple. Use “vous” with people you don’t know well, older people, or anyone deserving respect. “Tu” is for friends, family, maybe children, and babysitters (seriously, I was told that).
But here is the catch: asking for permission to use “tu” is not just polite; it is expected. You cannot just start casually with a stranger. That feels disrespectful, even rude.
I jumped the gun. I started using “tu” way too soon, thinking I was being friendly. The reaction? Raised eyebrows and a quick correction. It reminded me that in France, closeness takes time and permission, not just words.
This little language nuance teaches you more than vocabulary—it teaches you patience and respect for social boundaries. Plus, mastering this bit will make your French sound more natural.
The Subtle Power of Saying “Merci” and “S’il Vous Plaît”
It sounds obvious, right? Say thank you and please. But the French way of using “merci” and “s’il vous plaît” has its own rhythm and weight. I learned that if you skip them, you might come off as cold or even offensive. Yes, even if you smile.
Try ordering a coffee without a “s’il vous plaît.” The barista might still serve you but not without a tiny side glance. Add it, and suddenly you are not a tourist—you feel like a polite visitor, welcomed and appreciated.
And while I am at it, a quick “merci” when leaving a store or café is more than manners—it is expected behavior. It shows gratitude and closes the interaction with warmth.
Mastering these small words in French will help you build bridges. They are like tiny magic keys that open hearts and make learning the language a whole lot easier.
How to Nail Your First French Conversation
Now, what about those moments when you actually speak to someone? Here is the truth: French people appreciate effort. Even if your accent is off, or you mess up tenses, the fact you try counts big time.
I remember my first chat with a Parisian shop owner. I butchered the words, mixed “vous” and “tu,” and stumbled over gendered nouns. Instead of smirking or switching to English, she corrected me gently and smiled.
French conversations often begin with some chit-chat about health, the weather, or the day. You will hear “Comment ça va?” (How are you?), and it is polite to answer with more than just “Good.” Saying “Ça va bien, merci. Et vous?” (I am well, thank you. And you?) shows that you care.
Guess what? This little exchange is your chance to show respect and take part in French social dance—a ritual that feels slow at first but flows beautifully once you get the steps.
Why French People Kiss on Both Cheeks—and What It Means
Brace yourself for the cheek-kissing ritual called “la bise.” In many parts of France, people greet friends, family, and sometimes acquaintances by lightly touching cheeks and making a kissing sound. It is not a real kiss, just a friendly greeting.
If you are brought into this tradition, relax. The number of kisses varies by region—two in Paris, sometimes three or four elsewhere. Trying to count could make things awkward, so just follow the lead!
Here is a little secret: if you do not feel comfy with “la bise,” a warm handshake or a smile is usually fine. French people understand. Just refuse with grace, not stiffness.
Dining Out: Saying “Bon Appétit” and Using Your Hands
Going to a restaurant in France is a cultural adventure. Before digging into your meal, everyone says “Bon appétit.” It is like a toast to good food and good company. Joining in is polite, and it helps you feel part of the moment.
One thing I had no clue about: in France, resting your hands on the table during a meal is normal. In fact, keeping your hands in your lap looks odd. I remember lifting my hands nervously, only to draw confused looks.
Also, bread is treated like more than a side dish. Breaking a piece and eating it with your meal is a part of the experience. And please, do not stab your food with the fork or look like a wild tourist—it is a gentle, slow, and enjoyable ritual.
Why French People Care About Pronunciation
When you learn French, you might think people will just smile and nod when you speak. Instead, I found they care about pronunciation much more than I expected. Not because they want to judge you, but because correct sounds help avoid confusion.
For example, saying “merci” with the wrong ending can turn “thank you” into nonsense. I learned to listen carefully, mimic the rhythm, and let go of worrying about mistakes.
If you can say one phrase clearly, let it be “Je ne parle pas bien français.” (I do not speak French well.) It shows humility and invites patience.
Why You Should Learn Basic French Before Your Trip
It feels tempting to think you will get by with just English, but trust me—learning basic French first changes everything. It opens doors, hearts, and yes, sometimes even menus.
- Start with simple greetings and polite phrases.
- Practice listening to French music, podcasts, or movies.
- Try repeating phrases out loud—even if it feels silly.
Every little step makes you more confident and connected. And knowing some French makes the strange rules of etiquette feel less like hurdles and more like secret handshakes.
How French Etiquette Shaped My Language Learning
Funny enough, the etiquette I struggled with pushed me to learn more French. I wanted to get the greetings right, speak politely, and understand when to switch between “vous” and “tu.” It felt like piecing together a puzzle where the photo was human kindness itself.
Learning language and etiquette together taught me that French is not just about words; it is about respect, emotions, and connection. It is about stepping into someone else’s world with curiosity and care.
So, before you visit France, remember: it is not just about what you say, but how you say it and when. And a simple “Bonjour” might be your golden ticket to a richer, warmer experience than you ever imagined.
Ready to say “Bonjour” and mean it? You are going to love it there.